A Mom and More

Today, a very dear mom turns one hundred years old: my alma mater,  the University of the Philippines.  And, this inspires  me to recall the meaningful UP days which have made me what I am now:  a mom and more.

I was sweet sixteen (but looking like Miss Tapia in thick round glasses) in 1974 when I first had a taste of UP’s nourishment for the mind, body and soul.  Passing the UPCAT meant:  breathing in fresh air as I gained a bit of independence from my parents;  liberating myself from my strict Catholic education at St. Bridget’s School and the University of Sto. Tomas High School; and embracing a whole new world of learning, of living and even, of loving.

Looking back at my college days gives me vivid memories of taking part in the tail-end days of student activism through associations with members of the Consultative Committee on Student Affairs (or CONCOMSA, a quasi-UP student council then) and the Philippine Collegian (even if I never really wrote any article for the school organ.)  Though I was just a freshman, I was lucky to have found my way in the company of some senior, socially conscious and involved students, to name a few: Diwa Gunigundo, Fermin Adriano, Tina Pargas, Etta Rosales, Lorna Paras and Zosimo Lee.  Small cell group meetings/teach-ins  taught me about the true stories behind Philippine history: American colonialism,  Filipino dissent, and the need for counter-consciousness — starting with myself.  My participation in prayer rallies made me realize the essence of prayer and unity in an era of greed, suppression and violence – giving life to the Christian values I learned in my past schools.

As a member of the UP Student Catholic Action (UPSCA), I rendered community service at Constitution Hills (now the area where the Commission of Audit is sited) and this opened my eyes to the stark poverty of people in the slums.  I still remember helping the residents of Constitution Hills gather PLDT yellow pages, newspapers and used computer paper, recycle these into bags with a little gawgaw (starch) and sell these as supot (bag) for tinapa (dried fish) in the nearby markets to buy a day’s meal.  Passing through a military check post at the entrance of the area was a breeze since I did not look like an activist as other UP community organizers have been– I appeared innocent as a petite, “totay” (young girl) student in hot pants and Happy Feet bakya (wooden clogs).  Though I liked serving the community, my involvement took a sudden halt for security reasons. God must have had other plans for me because He prevented me from going to the community at a time when all community organizers where either picked up, detained, placed under surveillance or house arrest.   A severe tooth ache which made a dental visit urgent shielded me from trouble.

UP kept alive in me — a passion to help, serve and heal others.  After the Constitution Hill incident, I thought I about pursuing my high school ambition of becoming a doctor so I could help others in a different field while ensuring that my siblings get their college education as well.  On my third year, I decided to shift from Business Administration and Accountancy (a 5-year course) to Business Economics (a 4-year course which I was able to finish in 3 1/2 years) so that I could work immediately, earn enough to send my siblings to school and eventually, go to Med School as I dreamt.  I never became a doctor because life got me elsewhere; I became a hardworking, honest and competent public servant in a public utility corporation through my early retirement.

UP did not just feed my mind with ideas and my soul with morals, UP also introduced me to love.  UP charged a UP SEMen (Society of Emancipated Men) and fellow EcoSocer (UP Economics Society) to become a silent partner as I prepared my undergrad thesis and eight years later, my chosen partner for life and father to Aaron and Aleli.

But, this is not the end of my UP story.  When I was about to turn 50, my thoughts about starting on a new journey, continuing to be of service to others and living a life of significance – made me go back to UP.  In 2007, after over 30 years away from UP, I enrolled in a certificate course in professional education and surprised almost everyone I met when I told them that my student number was unmistakably 74-03860 and that I’d like to study again.  Learning and studying with classmates even younger than my own  children renewed my zest for life: hopeful of things to come; eager for lifelong learning; and striped of shoulds, biases, hostilities and fears – ultimately giving birth to a better me, the daughter of a centenarian who would surely last for centuries more in its pursuit of service and excellence.

Today, in lieu of a happy birthday song, here’s to UP on her 100th year, a timeless song
of the love, lasting bond, and loyalty that her sons, daughters and grandchildren will always have for her:

U.P. beloved, thou Alma Mater dear
For thee united, our joyful voices hear
Far tho we wander, o’er island yonder
Loyal thy sons we’ll ever be
Loyal thy sons we’ll ever be.
Echo the watchword, the Red and Green forever.
Give out the password, to the Hall of Brave sons rare.
Sing forth the message, ring out with courage
All hail, thou hope of our dear land,
All hail, thou hope of our dear land.

or the more popular: U.P. Naming Mahal:

U.P. naming mahal, pamantasang hirang
Ang tinig namin, sana’y inyong dinggin
Malayong lupain, amin mang marating
Di rin magbabago ang damdamin
Di rin magbabago ang damdamin.
Luntian at pula, Sagisag magpakailanman
Ating pagdiwang,  bulwagan ng dangal
Humayo’t itanghal, giting at tapang
Mabuhay ang pag-asa ng bayan
Mabuhay ang pag-asa ng bayan.

Do you also feel that UP is part of what you are today?  What is your UP story?

If you missed out some updates of the UP Centennial, here are some sites which may keep you on board.  Let’s celebrate UP @ 100!

History of UP: http://www.slideshare.net/radiantview/2008-up-centennial-celebration-philippines
Official site of UP Centennial 1908-2008:  http://centennial.up.edu.ph/?page_id=29
UP Alumni News and activities:  http://www.upalumni.ph/index.html

Today, 12 June 2008, I celebrated Philippine Independence in my own personal way.  Unlike in the past, I did not have to wave the Philippine flag as the national anthem played in school.  I did not get stuck in front of the TV watching colorful floats of various socio-civic-public and business groups.  I did not go to Rizal Park to do mass calisthenics nor join the parade of contingents of a government corporation (as required of public servants in the martial law days).  I did not wear Filipiniana in keeping with the centennial celebration of Philippine independence in 1998 for the launch of the Reader’s Digest book: Kasaysayan – which my husband’s office distributed.

But, I spent the day meaningfully taking first steps to liberate myself from: home clutter, inertia to write, and life traps.

1.    I’ve began to de-clutter and clean-up.  Since it would surely take me months to sort, decide to throw or retain, and organize important stuff I’ve accumulated for the past five decades – for time management, I set aside just half of the day for a start.  I targeted three boxes (blocking the door of our stock room) which contained photocopied references, handouts, loose notes, and term papers from education courses I took the past year.  I sorted through reams of paper, rushing myself to decide which to: toss in the trash, give-away to a friend, bind for future use or temporarily keep out of sight (in a “may use” box).  With a day helper’s assistance in punching holes and binding related papers together, I was content to have six binders of neatly organized materials from my six education courses by lunch time.

2.    I’ve managed to write this blog after some time of slack, anxiety, too much ideas, and pending workloads – causing a writer’s block.  I have drafted several blogs which I never posted at all because of my notion that I should write error-free, grammatically acceptable and information-laden blogs which are just 300- to 500-words long, as most blog writers recommend.  This is a reflection of my self-conscious and perfectionist nature which oftentimes make writing burdensome than enjoyable for me.

3.    I’ve started my own life trap therapy. This matches my goal of sustained self-discovery and self-improvement even at 50. I have been reading the book “Reinventing Your Life: How to Break Free From Negative Life Patterns” by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko since the past weekend.  Using Young’s questionnaire, I realized that I have  life traps (a negatively controlling set of beliefs), a self-destructive pattern or schema which I repeatedly confront and which robs me of the happiness and fulfillment I could have had in my relationships, work and life in general.

These two leading American psychologists described (and suggested solutions) to eleven life traps. I recognized two major life traps operating in me, both dealing with self-expression or the ability to express what one wants and get one’s true needs met.  The first is called the subjugation life trap wherein one sacrifices one’s own needs and desires to please others and to satisfy others’ needs such that one’s needs are never met.   My other life trap is called the unrelenting standards life trap which is typical of people who set rigid standards and have very high expectations of themselves at the expense of happiness, health and even relationships.

So far, I’ve also read that life traps originate in childhood and reverberates through our lives.  And because of this, parents have to be extra careful about the kind of parenting style they use on their children since these determine how children later on think, feel, act and relate to others. My life taps were probably linked to my being a first-born child who experienced being overprotected, one who had to obey and conform to my parents’ rules as a role model for my siblings (including making it to the top in school), one who had to always give-in as the eldest child and who had to please others always, one who had to help and be around when problem situations arise.

I am glad that life traps can be addressed successfully if we desire to.  And, I have just taken my first step towards liberation from my life traps – identifying and recognizing these traps.  With the baby steps I took today, just as our country proclaimed its first independence from colonial bondage on 12 June, 110 years ago – I am certain that I am now on the road to freedom from home clutter, writer’s block and life traps.

This is one of the times when I couldn’t control myself from talking (blogging for all to know) as any other mom who’s so proud of having been part of her child’s achievement. I think Aaron would excuse me for talking a bit now, knowing that for him, I only say it best when I say nothing at all.

Ateneo Art Awards theme designed by my son, Aaron Roselo

Tears of happiness welled in my eyes when Aaron told me today that he won an Ateneo 2008 Awards for the Arts in the Graphic Arts category. I blushed with joy as I read the award announcement and the invitation to parents for the awarding ceremony and reception dinner 12 March 2008 at the Ateneo Escaler Hall. I wanted to photocopy the announcement letter and invitation but Aaron won let me; he quipped “magyayabang ka na naman” (you’d brag again). The most that I could do was to call my mom and then all of my siblings who were all as ecstatic as I was – Aaron being the first grandchild and first niece of all. By his looks, I knew he detested what I did and found me corny. I had to savor this rare moment since it’s been a long, long, long time since I felt this way: fulfilled, blessed, and in bliss.

Aaron’s award serves as a green “go” sign for me that I have to continue walking with my head up for despite my failed plans, lack of material possessions and present challenges — I have Aaron: a priceless gift, a precious gem, my light from God.

To Aaron, a KISS (keep it short and simple) blog from your one and only mommy. I love you.

Please visit his site at http://aaronroselo.net

When I was a teener, I recall keeping a news clip about ways to say “I Love You” in different dialects and languages. I tucked the clipping in my diary for years even if it barely contained a dozen of expressions: aayaten ka in Ilocano, kaluguran da ka in Kapampangan, namumutan ta ka in Bicol and gihigugma ko ikaw in Cebuano; ich liebe dich in German, te mo in Spanish and Je t’aime in French. These expressions were just enough (I thought) to recycle and write on cards on Valentine’s and other special occasions.

When I started working and visited ASEAN countries, my “I Love You” data bank expanded. I got a phom rak khun card from Bangkok, memorized the Malay saya sayangmu from a popular Malaysian song, learned to say saya cinta padamu from an Indonesian peer and received a wa ai ni keychain from an old Singaporean friend.

When I married, I had to shelve these expressions since loving gestures, concrete actions, and shared time with the family spoke more than these novel phrases from faraway places.

Today, with a few clicks on the internet, young lovers can find over a hundred ways of saying “I love you”. Here’s a list.

Do you know of other “I Love You” expressions? Let me know so I can add to this list.

Which “I Love You” is most meaningful and memorable to you? Remember?

My son Aaron surprised me when he said he wants to buy a fat cat like Garfield (which just lazes around) when he earns or adopt one from PAWS (which is definitely cheaper than buying) or wait for an excess kitten to be given away by a relative or friend. Was he struck by some back-to-nature advocacy? Or, has he started to mature (since he’ll soon be over college) and wanted to try being responsible for something? Or, does he want a “different” toy to play with this time to complement his tech toys? Whatever his reasons may be, I smiled to myself and got excited about the notion of seeing my son care for his own live pet: not the digital pet Tamagotchi of the mid-90s, not the virtual Neopets he played with online not the Pokemon die cast animals he avidly collected and definitely not the fantasy creatures of the card game Magic: The Gathering.

This evening, I got another surprise. As the Chinese began their Year of the Rat, my Aaron got his cat. My daughter Aleli (an ex supposed-to-be Vet) brought home a tiny two-week old white cat for her brother.

Aleli brought home a kitten!

As I saw the cute and cuddly kitten, I initially felt anxious. It came too soon. Where will it stay? Will my kids have the time and the patience to care for it, to feed it, to keep it safe? Won’t it cause us allergy attacks? Will it be an added work load for me? I had to quell my worries and think positively. Didn’t I even bought birds, hamsters, rats and fishes for Aaron and Aleli when they were in grade school? So, why these qualms about having a new pet, now that they’re older? Then, I remembered my mom always making sure that we had our own pets when we were young since she believed that our pets would serve as our shields against sickness and misfortunes and that they would also be our guinea pigs for early experiences in caring, being responsible, and being loyal to friends.

After a few moments, I found myself holding the kitten in my hand. I patted its fury body as if rubbing a magic lamp. I wished that Gyunyo (meaning “milk” in Japanese) becomes not just another novel toy for Aaron (and Aleli, too) but a white cherub who can teach them bits of lessons on life and love in a fun, experiential and authentic way, at their own time.

As for me, I’d look forward to a time when Gyunyo can help calm and relax my stressful days as trained therapy cats now do for the old, the sick and the lonely.

This is “Gyunyu”, at 2 months. Photo taken by my daughter, Aleli