“My daughter is obsessed with her boyfriend.” This is a valid concern for many parents.
As a parent, it is normal to feel concerned when your daughter gets into her first relationship. For many parents, it is an awakening call that their little girl is growing up. While some parents are just plain worried that their daughter will get hurt in the process.
However, many emotions are involve in a relationship, not to mention when it is an adolescent romance that is fuel by infatuation. Many teenage girls might get confused or overly excited, especially when it is their first love or crush.
In some cases, many young girls may not know how to act or what to do in a relationship. They might end up doing the wrong things or overdoing the right things for their boyfriend.
As a result, they may put their own lives on hold or make destructive choices that have negative consequences on their emotional, social, and academic well-being.
It is, however, our responsibility to help our children navigate life on the right path. Especially when it is a relationship that looks more like an obsession and can drastically affect their lives.
Signs that your daughter is obsessed with her boyfriend
These eight behavioral changes can help you know if your daughter has developed unhealthy emotions or if you are just overthinking the whole thing. However, knowing and understanding these signs will also give you a better idea of how to manage teenage relationship obsessions.
1. Constantly talking or thinking about her boyfriend
A very clear sign that your daughter is obsessed with her boyfriend is when he is all she talks about. He comes up in almost all conversations, even when the conversations don’t relate to him.
However, if you find yourself thinking or asking your daughter, “Don’t you have anything else to say other than your boyfriend did this or that?” or “Every time your boyfriend…” This is a clear indication that he is all your daughter thinks about.
The constant talking and thinking about him shows that your daughter is obsessed, and that’s why she can’t stop talking about him.
2. Neglecting other aspects of her life
If your daughter is neglecting her responsibilities, friends, studies, or hobbies to often spends time with her boyfriend. She is likely obsessing over him.
In some cases, your daughter might leave her responsibilities to video call him for hours. Or she may often end important conversations to talk with her boyfriend when he calls or sends a message.
In worst cases, when you talk, your daughter doesn’t seem to listen; the world seems not to exist when her boyfriend is present or when he messages or calls.
3. Her boyfriend’s opinion is all she cares about
If your daughter can’t do anything without seeking her boyfriend’s validation or approval, she may be overly dependent on him.
Adolescent attachment is very common in teen dating and may quickly turn unhealthy.
That is, your daughter is too attached to her boyfriend to the point that she loses her sense of independence. She is overly reliant on her boyfriend for decision-making, problem-solving, and day-to-day tasks that she used to handle on her own.
4. Displaying possessive or jealous behavior
Is a little jealousy healthy in a relationship? Yes, a little. When jealousy becomes too much, it can lead to possessiveness.
If your daughter is showing too much possessive or jealous behavior, that is a sign of obsession.
For instance, your daughter finds it difficult to trust her boyfriend and doubts everything he says until he brings evidence. Or she stops him from having a life outside their relationship.
Another type of jealous behavior your daughter might display is extreme control. She is showing controlling behaviors to keep her boyfriend close at all times, such as calling him every hour or knowing his every move.
5. Ignoring red flags or sacrificing personal boundaries
If your daughter is willing to overlook the red flags or sacrifice her boundaries to please her boyfriend, that shows she is obsessed with him.
Everyone has boundaries that shouldn’t be compromised for anyone. Your daughter may prioritize her boyfriend’s needs and desires above her own, even if it’s detrimental to her well-being.
As a parent, if at some point your daughter starts compromising her boundaries, it might be time to intervene.
6. Acting out of character and losing sight of her ambitions
Another sign your daughter is obsessed with her boyfriend is when she is acting out of character. Also, when she starts losing sight of her ambitions due to her relationship with her boyfriend.
Additionally, your daughter starts showing behaviors or attitudes that align with her boyfriend’s preferences, rather than staying true to herself. All of these are indications that your daughter is obsessed with her boyfriend.
7. Experiencing intense emotions like anxiety or depression
If your daughter is experiencing anxiety or depression due to something her boyfriend did or didn’t do. It could be an effect of an unhealthy level of obsession.
This anxiety or depression can be because of an extreme fear of losing her boyfriend. It can also be because of excessive reliance on him for her emotional well-being.
8. Neglecting self-care due to preoccupation with her boyfriend
You know our daughter is obsessed when she starts neglecting her self-care, especially if she is the type that loves looking good. This included physical health, beauty routine, skipping meals, or overall well-being because she is always preoccupied with her boyfriend.
Your daughter would rather spend time with her boyfriend than keep in shape. Or, she doesn’t care about her appearance but rather video calls him all day.
This lack of self-care could be summed up as youthful infatuation. However, neglecting her overall well-being for a boyfriend is a sign of a toxic and obsessive relationship, and that should be cautioned.
Related: How to Motivate a Teenager Who Doesn’t care about Anything
Likely reasons your daughter is obsessed with her boyfriend
- Your daughter is too emotionally dependent on her boyfriend
- She has low self-esteem
- She doesn’t have any other interests apart from her boyfriend
- Your daughter has anxiety or insecurity
- She has past trauma or abandonment
- Peer pressure; hence, she prioritizes her relationship above everything else
- Lack of healthy boundaries
- Changes in hormones
- Wrong idealization of teen love
- She fears losing her relationship
How can you help your daughter stop being obsessed with her boyfriend?
If you believe that your daughter is obsessing over her boyfriend, it is best to approach the situation with compassion and understanding. Here are some approaches you can use to stop your daughter from being an obsessive girlfriend.
1. Communicate openly with your daughter about her obsession
Communication is a powerful tool for settling many disputes and passing a message across. To guide your daughter on the right path and stop her obsession, communicate openly.
To communicate openly, try creating a safe and non-judgmental environment. An environment whereby your daughter can express her opinions and concerns without fear of criticism or punishment.
You can share stories of your past relationships or someone else’s relationship that has gone through what she might be going through. It will help her know that she isn’t alone and that it is okay to feel certain emotions but not okay to act in certain ways as a result.
Also, show empathy and understand her perspective; you can achieve this by listening attentively when she talks and maintaining eye contact.
As much as your daughter might be wrong with her obsessive behavior. Criticizing or blaming her will likely make her defensive and less willing to open up.
However, acknowledge and validate her emotions even when you don’t agree with them. Encourage her to understand the underlying reasons and the negative impact they can have on her future.
By openly communicating with your daughter, she will feel heard, understood, and supported. It will enable her to also listen to you and adhere to your advice regarding her relationship.
2. Encourage your daughter to balance her relationship with other activities
Encouraging balance can be a healthy approach to stopping your daughter from obsessing over her boyfriend.
Romantic fixation in adolescence is common, and as a result, the relationship is all that is cared for and everything else falls behind.
Instead of your daughter’s boyfriend taking all her time and thoughts. Encourage your daughter to wisely manage her time and allocate time to other activities. such as studies, friends, responsibility, hobbies, and family.
Help your daughter to understand that relationships are only one aspect of her life. And there is more to her. She has her future to plan, and a career to build, and she also needs to have time for herself.
3. Set healthy boundaries in the relationship
In many teen dating relationships, there is a lack of healthy boundaries. Most young girls are still figuring out who they are and what they want or can tolerate in a relationship.
You can help your daughter set healthy boundaries by teaching her what healthy boundaries are and their importance.
Help her understand the importance of valuing and respecting herself by letting her know that respect is reciprocal.
Also, encourage her to prioritize her well-being, needs, and desires and therefore set boundaries accordingly. These boundaries include saying “no” and not compromising her boundaries for anyone, including her boyfriend.
4. Encourage personal independence
Encourage your daughter that, while her relationship is important, she is also important. She needs to be independent and be able to decide what she wants without her boyfriend’s interference.
She also needs to be able to depend on herself for things her boyfriend provides her with and make decisions regarding her life.
Encourage your daughter to develop a healthy sense of self-worth and self-esteem that is not solely reliant on her relationship with her boyfriend. Help her cultivate a strong sense of self.
With your guidance, your daughter can learn to take charge of her life, think critically, and make choices that align with her values and desires. She would also not be overly reliant on her boyfriend for her emotional well-being.
By encouraging independence, your daughter will stop being an overly attached girlfriend, therefore reducing her obsession.
5. Provide distractions from her boyfriend
Providing distractions is an effective approach to helping your daughter overcome her obsession with her boyfriend. Encourage your daughter to engage in hobbies or interests.
She can join a school club, or a band, or take cooking or dancing classes—something of interest. These activities should be something her boyfriend isn’t a part of and will create a healthy distance between them.
You can also encourage your daughter to take part in healthy lifestyle habits. These habits can include regular exercise, getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and practicing stress-relieving techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, or yoga.
Besides, encouraging your daughter to take care of her physical and mental health can help her feel more relaxed and focused. Therefore, taking her mind off her boyfriend for a couple of hours
6. Be a role model in your relationship
It’s essential to guide your daughter toward having a respectful and healthy relationship with her boyfriend.
Let your daughter know that there is more to a relationship. Such as trust, understanding, and mutual respect, which are the basic foundations of every solid relationship.
To promote healthy relationships; be a role model for your daughter (if applicable). Let your relationships and how you interact with others be an example. It will give your daughter an idea of what a healthy relationship looks like.
Also, your relationship will show your daughter how to have healthy communication, healthy boundaries, and a balanced approach to a healthy relationship. Let your relationship be an example for your daughter to idealize.
7. Encourage healthy coping skills in a relationship
Encourage your daughter to develop healthy coping mechanisms to manage stress and emotions. Such as journaling, deep breathing, and talking to a trusted friend or therapist.
Instead of your daughter obsessing over her boyfriend, encourage her to talk to a trusted friend about her insecurities. Or, in a situation where her boyfriend isn’t picking up his calls, encourage her to take a deep breath and call later.
By encouraging your daughter to cultivate healthy coping skills, she will be able to manage her emotions more effectively. As a result, reducing the urge to obsess over her boyfriend.
Related: What Happens When a Child Have Overprotective Parents
Final thought
It’s essential to understand that stopping your daughter from being obsessed with her boyfriend won’t be easy. At least, it won’t happen overnight. She needs to be committed and adhere to whatever changes is required to stop her obsessive behavior.
As a parent, you can help your daughter understand the underlying reasons behind her obsession. It could be a result of low self-esteem, a need for validation, or peer pressure to belong.
Tell your daughter to reflect on her life, what she wants, and her values. Let her know relationships require mutual effort, mutual energy, and mutual respect. If the relationship isn’t going the way it should, instead of obsessing over him, there is no shame in walking away.
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