A Mom and More

I do not yet belong to the group of celebrants of the day: Happy Grandparents.

I still haven’t dreamt nor imagined being a grandma in 3 years since (I am glad) my two 20+ year old kids have remained unattached and don’t seem to be really looking for steadies yet. My boy grins and says “di ko kaya; magastos ‘yon (I can’t afford a girl yet; it’s expensive to have one).” My girl smirks “pang aksaya lang sa oras at maraming bawal, ayoko pa; bata pa naman ako (I am still young. I don’t want to waste my time and lose my freedom to do as I please yet).” Perhaps they’d choose to settle down even later than I did at 29.

No matter how long it would take for me to be a grandma, I better learn now so I have been closely watching how my mom does it with her “seven dwarves” (a collective term she uses for her seven grandkids) that all of them sees her as their lovely Snow White and really loves her so much. We sometimes envy the love she had unconditionally poured on her grandkids that my siblings and I would sometimes protest and tell mommy: That’s unfair! you never gave us that thing, that privilege or that much time when we were their ages.

My mom has her own ways with her seven grandkids that unanimously, she is their sweetest, most generous and most wonderful grandma in the whole wide wild world. Here’s what she does.

1. Takes pride in her grandchildren’s accomplishments and is always present (with her presents) in their rites of passage and milestone events. She maintained a “Perfect Attendance” during her grandchildren’s pre-school/elementary/high school graduations, First Communion, birthdays, school plays, field days and awarding ceremonies. Oftentimes, she’s even more excited than us (parents) as she awaits the event, thinks about what to wear and what appropriate gift to give to her grandkids.

2. Believes that her grandchildren are the best. She shows off — photo copies of their report cards (if they get high marks), news clippings featuring an interview or photo of a grandson, magazine articles by her grand daughter and scribbled greeting cards she gets on special days.

3 . Always carries pictures of her grandchildren with her. I wonder if she carried our photos in her wallet when we were kids.

4. Adapts with changing times. She has learned to accept that life is not a rerun and that raising children now is much different than when she was a young mom. She is a cool and fashionista granny. She isn’t like other older people who sticked to their old-fashioned ways. My mom appreciates changes: going to the pediatrician instead of the “manghihilot or albularyo (herbal doctor)”; using computers over traditional media like flashcards; giving kids a voice and listening to their views at home than delimiting their speech and expression; allowing kids to try new hairstyles and fashion than insisting that the classic look is better.

5. Takes care of herself and is not a burden to anyone. Even if she has a cold or feels bad, she makes it a point to be present at our family gatherings (even if she’d just have to be an onlooker or isolate herself in a corner, at least she was part of the festivities and joy). When she has body pains and aches, (unlike other grandparents who depend on their children to rush them to the hospital) she goes by herself for diagnosis, healths exams and treatment. When ballroom dancing was popular, she attended and sponsored afternoon dance sessions at home with her fellow senior oldies (65+ up) for relaxation, exercise and fellowship. For the past two years, she has been a fitness buff and goes to Fitness First daily that her strength and stamina for shopping, walking and climbing — has even surpassed that of my youngest sister.

6. Knows her role as a grandma. She is a ready ally, refuge and sponsor of her grandkids but she does not interfere, meddle with nor does things to contradict her children and children-in-laws’ agreed parenting styles, priorities and family values. She makes suggestions and comments but does not insist that she be followed.

7. Loves her grandchildren sooo much and shows it. She is affectionate and kisses, hugs and gives (even my grown-up kids) her own tokens of love whenever she sees them. When we have our “kita-kits (family gathering)”, she sees to it that all of her grandkids and children are not only well fed but that each get a share of a favorite dish she herself cooked for lunch/dinner.

8. Prays for and wishes only for the best for the family and others. Even if we forget to pray for assistance when we are in difficult times or for thanks when a wish is granted, we are sure that someone did — grandma. She remains good even to those who hurt her and turned their backs on her when she needed support since she believes that God rewards the good in His own time.

With the kind of GRANDmothering and modelling that my mom has shown her grandkids, I can almost see that her “seven dwarves” would become “seven small giants” in their own fields someday — having experienced grandma’s best!

To mommy, “mima”, lola — the most wonderful and beautiful grandma in the world, may you live to have more Happy Grandparent’s days to come. We all love you and thank you for everything we are because of you. I hope I can follow your your grandma ways someday.